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President Trump recently slammed the U.K.’s prime minister for failing to join his war on Iran by saying, “This is not Winston Churchill that we’re dealing with.” But is Trump himself rising to the occasion with soaring rhetoric and clear-eyed assessments of the conflict, much like the man who led Britain through World War II?
I don’t know. Did Churchill’s radio addresses include rants about windmills and extended riffs on Neville Chamberlain’s impressive ability to walk down stairs?
The primary purpose of Trump’s Wednesday night speech in Hebron, Kentucky — his first rally since attacking Iran — was to promote the GOP’s midterms affordability message and congressional candidate Ed Gallrein, who’s trying to primary Trump’s foe Thomas Massie. The president’s remarks, which ran more than an hour, did touch on those topics, but there were also contradictory updates on the Iran war, attacks on Barack Obama, and a cameo from boxer and influencer Jake Paul.
So let’s just say it wasn’t our wartime president’s “finest hour.” Here are some of the dumbest and most disturbing moments.
The Iran war is ‘over’ and ‘we won.’ Also it’s not over and we must ‘finish the job.’
Trump offered a “choose your own adventure”-style update on how the war is going.
Option 1: “We’ve won. Let me tell you, we’ve won … In the first hour it was over.”
Option 2: “We don’t want to leave early, do we? We’ve got to finish the job, right?”
We ‘totally obliterated Iran’s nuclear potential,’ yet didn’t.
Similarly, Trump explained that last summer’s U.S. strikes on Iranian nuclear facilities were a complete success that also didn’t work, which is why he had to start this war.
Trump admits he was ‘falling asleep’ during Iran war planning.
The president can’t be expected to keep his eyes open while plotting out a war that’s going to kill more than 1,800 people. Just wake him up if you need help with a badass mission name.
Trump endorses ‘warm body to beat Massie.’
He’s a former Navy SEAL or something? Who knows. The important thing is that he’s running against U.S Representative Thomas Massie in the GOP primary. “You know why? Because he’s not doing right for our president,” Trump explained.
Jake Paul also got a ‘complete and total endorsement.’
Though the Vine-influencer-turned-boxer is not actually running for anything.
Wind turbines open new front in their war on Trump.
You know how sometimes you’re super excited to watch yourself debate on TV, but then your wife says “Sorry darling, there isn’t enough wind” to power the set because that’s how TVs work? Well, Trump’s been there too!
An important on the president’s war with stairs.
They’re trying innovative new tactics, but Trump’s still winning.
Trump said he “admired” President Obama’s ability to walk down stairs. But actually, he admired “nothing” about Obama and his carefree stair-descending was “unpresidential.”
Trump warns against electing a president with ‘cognitive deficiency.’
Trump admitted it was a little awkward to go back to bashing Gavin Newsom after a lady in the crowd collapsed and was helped out of the room by Dr. Mehmet Oz and first responders. But he didn’t let that keep him from declaring that Newsom’s dyslexia — which he learned to cope with to become governor of California — is a disqualifying “cognitive deficiency.”
“He admitted he had mental problems,” Trump explained. “That he’s not a smart person. That he has a mental lack of ability. He’s unable to read a speech.”
We definitely wouldn’t want someone like that in the White House! As Trump put it, “When it comes to president, you gotta be sharp.”
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